<3Heart on Her Sleeve

Retreat

2009-12-26T23:17:00.001-08:00

There are moments in your life where you realize you are alone. Those moments scare the shit out of me. I can't decide if I'm more scared about the problems I'm dealing with, or the fact that I'm facing it alone. The actual outcome or decision is yours to make, and yours alone. Weighing your options puts pressure on your chest. Your breathing becomes heavy, and your head wanders. How do you come to a conclusion when all you can think about is how the pit of your stomach aches?

It makes it worse when you are not understood by others. Taken the wrong way; assumed to be the way you are. It hurts much more when those close to you turn their backs or are found gossiping behind your back just when you need them the most. I retreat.

Part of me would like to call them out. Defend myself, knowing I've done nothing wrong. Be open and honest and tell it like it is. But the other part of me hides. I want to run away and pretend I don't feel this way. Pretend that I haven't been hurt. Does that make me fake? or does it make me the bigger person? bound for more pain?

Either way I can't think of anything other than how awkward I feel in my own body. How uncomfortable I am at all times. How I can't think of one person I could talk to that wouldn't be annoyed, that would understand, and that would just be a good friend... that wouldn't turn around and gossip or complain.

So when people ask me if I'm excited for school, excited to move, excited to begin an adventure? the answer is no. It's pretty heavy to feel completely alone, and that you can't turn to anyone for support. But, also yes, because I will no longer be surrounded by bullshit, fakeness, and frustrations. Distance is most likely a temporary solution, but then eventually, maybe I won't be the only one searching for an answer, a permanent fix.

My mind filled with wonder, my heart with fright...

2009-06-14T00:52:00.001-07:00

Why is it that I resort back to that place?
The one I thought I was past, moved on from?
It's quite a reality that I will always have a part of me that wonders, "what if?"
However, I know that I'm okay with the outcome. I just don't understand, why sometimes my mind wanders, it strays. It goes from what it knows, into the depths of it's very own and pulls from everything I thought it had stored away for good. It hurts a bit. Not sure if the past hurts, or if the fact that my mind does this to me that hurts? I think the latter. However, there are times when I need to take a deep breath in and realize that today is my reality, this is, this very moment. This is what counts, this is what matters, and this is what is.

A voyagers' thoughts

2009-05-28T21:40:00.000-07:00

I sit quietly
Quiet with my own thoughts
rolling like waves through my mind
toppling over any other entity in the water
taking over
taking over anything that I once knew
things I thought I wanted, needed
bringing me to new depths
uncharted territory
something new to map
to seek out
to venture into
creating a ripple effect
and crashing down
full of energy and never stopping
reaching as high as the night sky
and swallowing me whole

2009-04-05T20:37:00.001-07:00

If you need time away
I won't ask you to stay
I don't want to lose you...

Love is crazy
pretty baby
take it real slow
my feelings show

The waiting is the hardest part, you take it to faith, you take it to heart...

2008-11-25T18:26:00.000-08:00

I feel like all I've done the past year is wait.

Wait for my job to lead towards my career

Wait for my family to understand me

Wait for you to find me

Wait for my friends to step up

Wait for my heart to mend

Wait for my mind to quit being my worst enemy

Wait for my heart to slow down

Wait for butterflies in my stomach

Wait to catch my breath

Wait for you

Wait.

Most of these things I cannot control. Most things just are. It's hard to wrap your head around things you have no effect over, even though they effect you.

I'm trying hard to change the things I can, and moving on from those I can't.

There are still many things that boggle my mind. Like someone I care about can be so distant and dishonest. Not only with me, but with themselves and others. I'm starting to go to that place that I hate, the place of no trust and no respect. I don't want to feel this way, and I'm working hard on moving past these things, but it's proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm not sure if you call this being the bigger person, or if I'm taking the higher road, but whatever it is, it's hard. Hard to let the little things go, hard to know there are lies and not bring them up, hard to look them in the face and try your hardest to be a good friend.

I guess this is the stuff that they say makes us stronger, makes us wiser. I guess in the end, I'll know if that's true. If someday I can look back on this and know the true value of it all.

Until then, deep breaths are my only consistency. A peaceful night my hideaway.

I cannot wait for these things, and I cannot wait for you to truly come around. You do you, and I'll do me, and in the end, we'll see.

2008-10-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

I came here to type out my thoughts... and I got nothing.

2008-08-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

I can't do it.
I see it there, right in front of me but for some reason I am unable
I see those 5 letters starring me in the face.
I can't hit send.
I can't hit clear.
Why?
Why can't I just call you? Why can I not just tell you how much it hurts?

There are moments where I close my eyes and picture you. You and me.
I feel you move my hair out of my face.
I feel your hand slowly slide down my cheek.
My heart beats faster
Your breathing gets deeper
I feel the warmth of your breath get closer
The softness of your kiss absorbs me and I am lost.

I'm Yours

2008-07-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours

so please don't, please don't, please don't,
there's no need to complicate,
Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours

2008-06-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

After Awhile You Learn to Build Your Roads on Today...

2008-04-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

Take it one day at a time, that's what they always say.

It's so hard to live by this rule. By nature, we constantly think about what could and should be. How do you program yourself to not worry about tomorrow and focus on today? How do you capture every moment you have now to it's fullest, and not worry it's effects on tomorrow? My personality is definitely go-go-go. I usually don't even have time to think about now, let alone tomorrow. However, there are those brief moments in my day when I am all alone, silent with my own thoughts. Or as I like to say, my own worst enemies. My 1 hour commute to work, the lunch I eat in my car just to get away from the office, the huge breath in as I step outside for the first time in the morning. These are when my thoughts flow. I seem to let them get the best of me, they take over and consume me. Only when the office phone rings, or the siren of a passing cop on the road soars by, am I thrown back into reality. Am I allowing myself to really put my mind around my thoughts, or am I giving in to the temptation of mindless thinking?

Can we ever really live for today?

2008-04-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Prince Charming--he's not needed. Just some cute boy that finds me adorable, makes me laugh, and makes my knees shake...

Freckles and Sunglasses

2008-03-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again... you know the one... snow starts to melt, sun begins to come out of hibernation, warm weather on the tip of everyone's tongue.

Makes me think about the summer--grilling, boating, laughing. Swimsuits and sun lotion, freckles and sunglasses.

I love anticipation. It's one of my most favorite feelings, it comes right next to the tingly feeling in your nose, right before you sneeze. ;)

I have EXTREME anticipation for summer. I feel this year it will be busier than ever. I already have the anxiety to fit it all into 3 months!

They'll be a new baby in the family, Joleen has finally gotten her van so they'll be road trips galore! A best friend has moved back, so this will be the first summer fun together, parents are moving, I'll be moving, I'll be flying and traveling on my benefits, possibly going back to school? So many things to do and accomplish and I can't wait to get started!

Bring it on! ;0)

Put some new shoes on...

2007-10-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

I love the feeling of not knowing. Of uncertainty. It's bitter sweet, the tingly feeling you get in your stomach when you aren't quite sure of the outcome, it excites me but at the same time makes me nauseous. It's those times of uncertainty that make me reflect on friends, family, relationships, and everything in between.

These streets are familiar and comforting, however across the border into the big bad world, just a few hours away I could just as well stumble across another poor old soul. I fight with myself and don't believe my eyes. Suddenly the air smells much clearer in searching for the changes that I've lost somehow. Where'd these days go? Walking to town to see the landmark square only to look at the time and jet on home. Shuffling feet on these busy streets, everyone seems to be going in opposite directions.

"How all the other passions fleet to air, as doubful thoughts and rash embraced despair and shuddering fear and green-eyed jealousy!"

2007-09-04T11:53:00.001-07:00

Envy is an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and desires it." They also feel that it is not possible (or not easy) for them to have what they want. Otherwise they would simply go get what the other person had, and they would be satisfied; Envy is one of the seven deadly sins.

At the core of envy seems to be a "social comparison" that threatens a person's self-esteem: Another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have.--often rooted in the envier feeling low self-confidence, and they feel that they need to be or have the same things as others. If they don't have it, or they can't have it, they feel envy.

However, what is envied could also be something that is only of personal importance to the envier, even if what the other person has is of little significance.

What is the purpose of Envy? What does having envy accomplish? At one point or another, we have all been guilty of jealousy or envy, but to what extent? Most of us, have had a envious or jealous thought—when someone we see is dating someone we are attracted to (could be a celebrity or a friend), when one of our peers owns something we cannot afford, when those around us have better relationships than we do, or when a family member accomplishes something greater than we did. It comes in every form. But how far do we let these feelings go? When are the boundaries crossed? It seems to me that some of us don’t even notice these feelings and it is a blip in our lives, never to be thought again. Then there are those that think about it from time to time, but don’t let it effect their lives. And then you have those who cannot let it go. Those people who let these feeling eat away at themselves, to fester and grow into something more. A problem, an issue. Resentment, betrayal, and frustration set it. You start to feel abandoned or left behind. You wonder why you can’t have this, why you can’t attain it. Instead of working towards a goal you set, you begin to fall behind the anger and resentment. You don’t move forward, you create aggression and bitterness.
I’m not sure why some handle this better than others or why we even have these feelings. Most things in life are attainable; are within reach. Hard work and strength of mind always seem to pay off. If you want something bad enough, you can get it within reason. Why are some willing to work for what they want and others willing to go through the agony of watching others attain success?

Oh the people on the street, in buses, out on feet, we all got the same blood flow

2007-08-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Party like a Rockstar...

2007-07-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

Had tons of fun last night. The kind of fun where everything was so random that you can barely piece the night together, the kind where you wander around aimlessly and end up finding each other at the end of the night.

laughing.joking.flirting.kisses.pokes.pinches.bites.slaps.smiles.licks.tickles.punches.drinks.dancing.

On the way home, James decided to open a bottle of water from my back seat and dump it on me while I was driving. I didn't even flinch, I kept driving while flipping my hair as if in a photo shoot. I think he mumbles something about me being the coolest chick he's ever met... does this surprise any of you? ;) Meanwhile, I opened the bottle I had and sneakingly reached my arm into the back seat and dumped it all on him. Soaked. We went through an entire case of bottled water back and forth. Childish I know. Some may say a waste, but the laughs that entailed in our drunken debauchery were worth the case of water.

We then spent the next hour in the bathroom together drying each other off with the hair dryer... he tried to dry me in silly places... nothing happened but more laughs. He inevitably left and went to the neighbor girls place who was out with us to get his freak on.. yea! Once again, "one of the guys" status.. why can't i ever be the pretty one, not the funny one?
Like the other day, Matt was saying this stupid story about how he is Finish and some history about the finish. Then I said, "wow Matt, good story, are you FINISHed with it yet?" we all laughed, but that kind of stuff always puts me in the hysterical category, not the hot chick I want to do category... haha! ;) Curse.

I get a call from Caleb on my way home (like 4 am) and he is sloshed! He told me he's seeing someone new blah blah blah. (Does he realize I don't care! We were dating for a short time, that's it. Kisses aren't contracts, ya know?) I hung up on him after like 30 seconds of drunken slurs and asshole admissions. He said that his friend Matt was like, "Why would you ever lose a girl like Amy? You're an idiot man, she's the best girl you've ever dated" I was like, booyah! click.

So on 3 hours of sleep I stumbled out of bed, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, wiggled into some work clothes, made my way out of the house, only stumbling into one wall on the way out, pushing the garage door opener and racing to the door to see if I could roll under it just for fun as if I was in an action movie. I then realized that my black dress pants were now grey with dust and I realized it wasn't as cool to roll under a door that is going up instead of down.... I was/am still loaded.

So, with no food in my belly, 4 cups of coffee under my belt, and adrenaline running high---today is proving to be an OK day....

Hot Town, Summer in the City...

2007-07-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for these summer days! I am so swamped with work and planning my move into the new house that I haven't had much time to venture out and explore what this summer has to offer! However, the past few weeks have been a whirl-wind of laughs and drinks! I've been exploring Minneapolis more than I ever have and I have found those little pockets of a fabulous city that makes me love this place more and more. There is just something about the city lights just after sunset, building lights reflecting off the seemingly calm river water, the constant glare of headlights and tail lights all inching their way through the maze of streets and people, the business of those in a hurry and the calmness of those who are wandering. The smell of a greasy burger as you pass by an ally-way, the cute couples holding hands as they laugh with each other after meeting for happy hour, the sounds of amps guitars and drums as you pass by a familiar venue.

I can't wait for my summer to really take off. I will make time for every one of my friends, new and old. I will meet you for happy hour, head out on the boat, stop by for a quick chat, meet you at the beach, head to a show with you, attend a local sporting event, go running with you, try a new restaurant, meet up for martini's, go to the art show, walk the sculpture garden, check out the zoo, and laugh and giggle during every point along the way.... ;)

Expectations

2007-06-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a common thought.

Expectations--Such a funny thing, hard to manage those little buggers!

Expectations of yourself, of those around you... It's especially difficult with others, as the outcomes are totally outside of your control.

Set them too high and you're bound to be disappointed.

But setting them too low isn't really fair either. Isn't there a certain standard that you should be able to expect? You shouldn't have to lower yours because someone consistantly fails to meet them? Should you? I don't have many and I have proven myself to be down to earth, laid back, and just go with the flow, but is this the reason that others fail to meet them? Am I the one you walk on? Take advantage of? Am I the one that doesn't give you consequences which allows you to continue this way?

I don't ask much of anyone and I am a simple woman; affection, laughter, and honesty keep me grounded. These are the things I give and hope for in return.

Maybe those of us who expect anything out of people are just setting ourselves up for a lifetime of disappointment.

2007-06-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'm the kind of ticklish that you don't even have to touch me and I start giggling...

Feels like Tonight...

2007-06-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the first night in a long time that I feel like my life is back to normal. The past six months have been hectic to say the least and I'm still not sure what to make of them. Ironically, tonight was spent alone- just me, my quiet yet comfortable and familiar apartment, and the cast of Law and Order SVU. Sitting on my comfy bed, perfectly perched atop my fluffy down comforter, tuna sandwich and bottle water within arms reach. Flipping between the 3 channels that actually come in, only leaving SVU on commercials but timing it perfectly as to not skip a second, even though I have seen every episode a million times. It used to feel like yesterday that I moved in here, that my girlfriends would come over and watch movies, make popcorn, gossip about every topic imaginable, then all squeeze into my bed and cuddle to watch Ace Venture or Emperors New groove for the hundredth time.

Now, while my mind is filled with those memories, they no longer feel like yesterday. These memories are now a blip of my past as I move on to make room for new ones. Some with the same people and places and some with new faces.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance....

Live in the moment, not in fear.

Summer Lovin'

2007-06-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

Windows rolled down to allow for every ounce of sunshine to consume my body, hair flying uncontrollably in every direction, sunglasses perfectly placed a top my nose, music blaring as loud as "The Bu" will allow. Right hand on steering wheel, left foot out the window. Lyrics flowing through my entire body, smiling at every car I pass while bobbing along to my favorite songs.

Clouds playing hide and seek with each other behind buildings and trees, the wind blowing the softest breeze.

Alone in the car on a summer day oh lord don't take these days away!

I wear my heart on my sleeve

2007-06-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

I wear my heart on my sleeve. You can tell this from the moment you meet me. I have been told not to change by some and others warn me that this "naive" assumption that I will not get hurt by others will burn me. The interesting thing about building a wall of protection around yourself is that the thicker you make it, the harder it is to connect with people who want to get closer to you, or who you want to get closer to. It puts a barrier that not only blocks out the bad but the good as well. I have learned this in the past few months while building new friendships with others. I have realized that my openness has allowed myself to get hurt, although minor. Because of my minor aches and pains I closed up and shut myself down from these new found people, which only aggravates and frustrates those who truly want to get closer. How do I know I am truly cared for? Is it time to let down my guard a little bit to let someone in, or am I just setting myself up for more disappointment and hurt?

Simplicity

2007-01-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Clever thoughts roll through my mind

Wondering what tomorrow I’ll find.

To see if what I know is real

To know the truth to what I feel

To hold on to things that I know

Or decide to slowly let them go

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!

2006-12-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

Can't wait to have a drink tonight... seriously. I know it's a work night, but I've been exhausted for the past few weeks, and I decided... you know what, tomorrow is friday, I am wearing jeans, and if I have a hang over and bags under my eyes... I DON'T CARE! So, I am currently getting myself dolled up and will be out on the town shortly! Look out people who are irresponsible and are out too, cause here I come!

Uptown girl ,she's been livin in her uptown world..

2006-12-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

Funny how you live in your own world doing everything that's normal and constant for you. Days pass and your life stays the same, same job, same house, same car, same bills to pay. I love when this life of mine gets an awakening. Hanging out with great friends that you haven't seen in a long time is the most refreshing thing I can have in my life right now. It's fun to reminisce about our college days when we would sit on my bed with a bucket of popcorn, diet coke's in hand watching the Golden Girls or the latest re run of The Nanny. We would stay up late laughing and running around the town home instead of doing homework, we would rendezvous at The Meeting Grounds for a quick coffee or hot chocolate in my case. Days of getting ready to go out together fill my mind as we are in my apartment--one in front of the full-length mirror, one in front of the bathroom mirror, and the other changing in the hallway. Our casual behavior makes things comfortable, a familiar feeling. We all have new memories, most without each other. It's hard for me to think that we have all moved on in a sense, in completely different directions. Communication is key, although we all let our busy lives get the best of us. These days are needed together, all worries are forgotten, all topics are gossiped about, and laughter is in-stoppable.

Sail Away...

2006-12-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

Winter Thoughts...

2006-11-30T19:34:00.000-08:00

...stumbling details of beautiful sand-filled experiences leaves me longing to quit all that I left the Island for and return to permanent tan lines, waking with sand in the corners of my eyes, REAL sushi, REAL sake, horizon inspired daydreams and waves rocking me right on back to sleep...

Kaptain Kait and Sailor Sue!!

2006-09-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

We are off for a fabulous weekend in Duluth!! Sailing on Lake Superior of course. And we aren't just sailing, we are in a race!! yippee!! Kait and I will be apart of a 4 person sailing team aboard a large sailboat equiped to sleep 12!! We hope to win the race and bring home the title to the Lubbesmeyer family, but as long as we make it through the 4 hour race without falling overboard, I think we will be happy! We will blow those yacht clubbers out of the water!! (I may or may not be bringing the pirate outfit...)

Pictures and stats to follow! Wish us luck!

DESTINATION: EGYPT

2006-08-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

To My Dearest Kaitlin:

Have Fun!! Be Safe!! Stay Cool!! and Jump your husband the moment you see him!!

Enjoy being stared at. Definetely soak up the fact that they may call you Jessica Simpson! Tell Shady that no matter what, there is no way to conceal those twins of yours!!

Enjoy the fact that you do not have to work for a few weeks, you get to travel around and soak up the rays, and you get to plan a Egyptian Wedding!

Miss you much!
Love you lots!

-Ames

We Fest 2006

2006-08-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

Swim suit ---Check
Large Belt Buckle ---Check
Beer Holster on Hip --- Check

2006-08-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

License Plate Says #1 Superstar...

2006-07-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

I think my sister said the nicest thing to me today....

"You're CRAZY!!! And I'm in the mood for a little CRAZY!"

-Tobes, when trying to convince me to do a Booze Cruise this Friday with her
and her friends

the 4th!!

2006-07-07T14:07:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July was so much fun, or should I say Friday the 30th to the 4th of July was so much fun!! whoo hoo non-stop!!

I worked the weekend at Slumberland, but I like money, so that didn't bother me. Saturday night--went out in Stillwater with Joleen and Jenni. Met up with some cute boys and saw my secret crush--definately flirted my way through the evening...
Arrived home around 3 AM and woke at 9 to go to work on Sunday

Sunday was also a good day. I awoke early and had a slight hang over, but sucked it up. I looked glorious for work, no trail of the night before to be found.
Met Kait after work in Maple Grove to play tennis. I need some work. Kait was too nice to tell me I was doing it all wrong, but she lasted through the trials of my swing.
We made a vow to do active things on Sunday's. I can't wait for this Sunday.

Monday I worked, but we closed early due to lack of business. Everyone and their Grandma seemed to be out of town.

Drove home, picked up my swimsuit and headed to my sisters to lay on the lake for a few hours. Went home around 7, went to Party America and picked up some pirate items( don't ask), and headed to Forest Lake to meet up with Joleen, Jenni, Christy, and Nick.

I saw a ton of people from Highschool. Ran into my secret crush again... hmm he was lookin' good.

Closed the bar and went to Christy's Dad's house to swim in the pool and hot tub. I invited my secret crush and 4 of his friends...it was just Jenni and I, and them. ::wink wink::

I didn't make it to bed until abou 6 am and got up promptly at 9 to piece the night together and figure out how to get to my car, that was now locked in by the massive parade in Forest Lake.

We made it to Christy's, went out on the boat and beached it at the sand bar to catch some rays. Met up with Joleen, Becky, Curt, Amber and the most adorable little boys ever, my cousins.

We watched the fireworks from the boat on the lake and I didn't make it home until almost 2 am and had to wake up at 6, so I could be to work by 8am.

I am exhausted!

2006-06-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so a little late. But, yes it was a GREAT weekend at Bobby's:

Another Summer Day, Has Come and Gone Away...

2006-06-16T14:55:00.000-07:00

I am currently at work. It's Friday. It's been a SUPER long week. Lot's of events and such going on here at work. It was hot today, but not sunny. It fealt like Florida. I am now on my 3rd Michelob Golden Light of the day. I have eaten approximatly 3.4 peanut butter cookies, and had too many turkey roll-ups to count. There is remints of spinach dip and some sort of red-peper dip on my small cocktail plate on my desk. Maybe I should leave some of the left overs out for the cleaning lady. Although I've never met her, we have a great relationship. I leave candy on my desk every Wednesday and Friday night, and when I arrive the next day, it is not there. She is wonderful at cleaning my desk ( she dusts all my stuff even though she doesn't do that for others.. hehe). Either she likes the candy, or we have a large rat problem....

I am off to Bobby's for a wonderful weekend on the lake. Can't wait to get buzzed and laugh so hard at stupid things.... this will be a great weekend..

Isn't She Lovely, Isn't She Wonderful...

2006-06-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

You know those super cute songs on the radio by some guy that strums a guitar softly and puts a little sexy beat to it and he spills his soul about how much he loves this girl and how he'll never be the same without her, and he just wants everyone to know that she is indefinatly, his?

Where are these men that write these songs?

Bre, Jenny, Jeremy, and I--Cancun

2006-06-13T11:54:00.001-07:00

Bre, Jenny, Jeremy, and I--Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Fishing -- Cancun

2006-06-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

Fishing -- Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Jeremy's Fish--Cancun

2006-06-13T11:53:00.003-07:00

Jeremy's Fish--Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Jeremy's Fish -- Cancun

2006-06-13T11:53:00.002-07:00

Jeremy's Fish -- Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Sleeping on the Boat --Cancun

2006-06-13T11:53:00.001-07:00

Sleeping on the Boat --Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Evening Sky --Cancun

2006-06-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

Evening Sky --Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Jenny, Bre, Me - Cancun

2006-06-13T11:52:00.002-07:00

Jenny, Bre, Me - Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Cheryl, Jenny, Bre, Me - Cancun

2006-06-13T11:52:00.001-07:00

Cheryl, Jenny, Bre, Me - Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Me and Jeremy - Cancun

2006-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Me and Jeremy - Cancun
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Eye's closed... oh well... :)

2006-05-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Guilt.

To me, this is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. It is even more of a worse feeling when you didn't do anything wrong.

I just want to make everyone happy at all times. I am so affraid of being a bad friend, daughter, and sister, that when I can't accomodate to everyone, I feel horrible.

It's a good thing that I am not Catholic, or I would feel ten times worse than I already do...

Back to School...

2006-05-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Check out this link for a great way to help pay for your school loans.....

Weekend Rendezvous...

2006-05-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

All I want to do is float on the lake and hear the creak of the porch door, and then the big slam and watch my friends clumsily walk down the side walk with too many drinks in their hands towards me. Where they bend over and accidently drop their sunglasses in the lake as they are handing me an over-sized Daquori, and end up having to jump in and fish them out. The small shriek of anxiety over the shockingly chill water as theys step in, hands up in the air, elbows slightly grazing the water, neck tense, eyes staring hard to see through the dark water, and whines as you find them, but then realize that you can't reach them with your toes--you will actually have to dive under...

DAYDREAMER

2006-05-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

.... today is the type of day, where it would be so frickin nice to go home after work, get in some little comfy shorts and a tank, and laugh and giggle with my man on the couch... possibly some malts in hand, and maybe a frozen pizza and a beer....

2006-05-07T00:56:00.000-07:00

We are drunk.

We drove home.

Don't worry, we had a sober cab. It was Kent. Good thing he said he'd drive home, because otherwise, we'd either still be downtown, or have to waste money on a cab.

My butt-crack is showing, we call this "The Tobi". Nobody cares.

I danced so much that my pants stretched out and now they slide down. I don't wear underware....too much info?...?...? Sorry., No, really, butt-crack.

We are at Joleen's now.

I am typing while the dorks are talking about the night. Pretty much, to sum everything up, we all went out, the guys were nerds and the girls were bitches, and we were the coolest people in the entire frickin' 5 block radius.

Aparently, what I got out of the last convo that I've eve's dropped on......Noah is smooth. He is good, and I mean R-E-A-L good.

The Butler's are apparently well-known people. I dont know them, but of course I did the smile and nod, like I recognized who was gracing me with his presence.

Jenny's boobs are out, and I mean, really out. Pretty much I want to put my face in them and go.......... blblblblkajhldkfjldkjflsdkfjsldkfj!!

They are big.

Joleen isn't scared and Jen's boobs don't hurt.'

Beer is good.

I am now looking at the tall young boy, and I thought he was standing on the coffee table, but I was mistaken. He is now coyly sitting down, with a sheepishly look on his face.

Kent just asked Jenny for her grandma's phone number. Don't ask.

The only bultler that ?I know, was my neighbor's cat, who we called Butler, because he was black and white.

Jenny wants to go to her website, but she doesn't realize that I am not a lesbian. She loves her website, she is the shit.

I love beer.

Jenny made me the most ghetto drink I can think of .............vodka and kool-aid.

A Wedding Like No Other....

2006-05-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

2006-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's funny to me, how quickly people sometimes accept change. We always hear of those who oppose it, but what about those who tend to accept it all too quickly, make excuses for it, or pretend they don't see it?

Positive changes are great! They keep you on your toes, they help you grow and develop in new ways. It keeps excitement in your life...something to look forward to. Like a new job, a new found love for hummus, moving to a new area, a new friend, finding out someone close to you is having a baby, having to "hunker" down and take the bus because you no longer have a reliable vehicle, finally having to rely on your friends for support because things at the moment are just too tough, opening up to let someone new in, or maybe an old friend even closer.

But what happens when you change things that should not change, or maybe things that should, but for the right reasons...

If you think about it, the things that make up who you are, are your core, your center. Those are the things that should not change. Who you are is what we love.

There will always be comprimises and sacrifices to make, not matter what. But at what cost? What is acceptable to give up? Friends? --Could you possibly delete people from your life, as if they didn't exist, just to make others happy? What if these friendships were some of the best you've ever had? Meant the most? Does this matter? Dreams--can someone else change these for you? If so, were they every really, your dreams?

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

2006-04-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

The wedding was perfect, beautiful, elegant, and crazy!

I cried, laughed, and danced the night away.

I can't wait for the Egyptian wedding !!!

Love you!

2006-03-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

Us Minnesotans...yeah we're a smart bunch...

tobi, kaitlin, amy, connie, linda -Yee Haw!

2006-03-28T08:32:00.000-08:00

tobi, kaitlin, amy, connie, linda
Originally uploaded by conniemg6.

A night to Remember

2006-03-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

KAITS BACHELORETTE PARTY!! whoo hoo!

Cowgirl theme.
Acme Comedy club.
Drinks.
Great Company.
Lots of laughter and giggles.
Nonsense and randomness.

Feeling like we were in our own world.
Not caring how we danced--insert Tobi.
"I'm with the DJ"
"I'm not a swinger"
Weird guy in the geo metro

Here's to the night....!!!!

Crappy Day got even Crappier

2006-03-23T12:17:00.000-08:00

Bad day at work, to say the least.

Great, sunny day the other week. I'm thinking, I totally need this lunch break, or I'm going to go nuts! I grab my purse, leave my jacket behind and walk out the door. The light breeze flows through my hair, which tickles my face. I take a deep breath in, ahh, spring is on it's way! With one swift step, I feel something bump into my neck. I look down, there is a brown leaf that has attached itself to my fuzzy turtle-neck type shirt. I remove and walk to my car. Just as I bend at the waist to get into my car, a horrible pain shoots through my neck. I feel it again and again. In shock I sit down in my car, feet still outside. I look down again at my shirt. A wasp is caught in my turtle-neck and has stung me multiple times in the neck. I swat him away, but he is caught in the fuzzy kniting of my shirt. Finally, I stand up and pick him out of my shirt. I turn to walk back into the office. As I walk in the door, the look on my face must have given it away and immediatly, my coworker Irene says, "Honey what's wrong?" With a quick reply I say "I got stung by a bee in the neck and I'm allergic!" She immediatly grabs her purse and jacket and says, "Lets go to the Urgent care down the road." Just as we walk by the supervisors office, she says "and where do you think you 2 are going?" Irene explains quickly as we keep walking. Tiffany, our superviser gets out of her chair and says, "well, can't she go by herself?" Irene and I look at each other in amazement that this person doesn't understand the potential severity of the situation. Irene tells her that she's driving me, we stare. Tiffany tells us there is a near-by clinic down the road and gives us directions.

Red stop lights at every frickin' intersection! 15 minutes into the sting and it's beginning to swell, it is obviously irritated, and it hurts a ton. We stop at this clinic and walk in. They don't have urgent care and direct us 5 miles down the road. Red stop lights again. Irene keeps asking, "Honey are you doing alright?" Meanwhile we are stillnot at urgent care and my breathing is getting more difficult. There is a large golf-ball sized lump on my neck and it's growing.

We finally arrive to the Urgent Care, by the time I get to the counter, it looks like I swallowed a grapefruit and got it stuck. My breathing is loud and heavy and my skin feels tight in the face. I tell the woman what happened and that I'm having an allergic reaction. The woman asks if I have insurance. I do! I say. But what a bad day to decide to switch purses. She gives me a million forms to go fill out and tells me to get my insurance information. I fill out the paperwork, while Irene calls our HR lady at work to find out my info. Just as I'm finished with the paperwork, Irene hands me a business card with random numbers scribbled on it--my insurance information! Yeah! I hand the clipboard, along with the business card to the woman behind the desk and go back to my chair. We have now been there 15 minutes, and still have not seen anyone!

15 minutes later, my name is called. My breathing is still difficult and I'm hoping this won't take long. The nurse puts me in a room and asks me "what seems to be the problem today?" As if she can't see the softball of a neck I have. She drops her pen a few times and seems a little hurried. She takes my pulse and loses count, she she has to retake it. She procedes to take my blood pressure, and doesn't tell me to sit with my feet flat on the ground--my legs are crossed and my purse is on my lap.--I've been to the DR. enough to know you don't get an accurate reading that way. She seems like she's in such a hurry, I wanted to ask if she needed to be somewhere else. She moves on to take my tempature, and sticks the thermomiter in my mouth. It beeps, and she takes it out and puts it away. 2 Minutes later she asks, " Do you remember what your tempurature was? I forgot to write it down?" I let her know what I think it was and she jots that down. She informs me that the DR will be right in, and she leaves the room.

15 minutes of waiting, and the DR finally comes in the door. He says " I hear you have a soar throat and your ear aches" I think to myself, "Hmm, not so much..." I tell him the schpeal and he has me hop up on the table. He puts the stethascope on my back to check my breathing, and says "Now, I want you to take a deep breath in and out of my mouth... Um, I mean your mouth, not mine, sorry." Okay at this point I feel like someone is going to walk in the door and say "Ha Ha Gottcha! Smile, you're on candid camera!" Are these people really Dr.'s? Do they really have their degree? Seriously.

So, then they hook me up to some machine thingy's to monitor my breathing, they stab me in the leg with an Epi Pen, and slowly my swelling goes down slightly, and my breathing gets better. He writes me a prescription for Tylonal 3, which has Codine in it--which I told the nurse I was allergic too. It's a good thing she wrote it down, eh? I tell him I can't take it, so he tells me take Tylonal and Benedryl and then writes a prescription for 3 Epi pens, just in case I get stung by a bee again.

I get back to work, still swollen, still breathing harder than normal. Irene and I wanted to make sure she got back to the office as quick as possible, so we didn't stop anywhere on the way back so I could eat. Our idea was to get her back, then I would run across the road to McDonalds for 5 minutes and bring something back and eat at my desk. I come in the office to let my managers know I'm okay, and start to walk back out the door. My supervisor says " Where do you think your going now?" I tell her I need food and I was going to go across the street. She asks why I didn't do it on the way back to work, and I explain how Irene and I thought it was best for at least one of us to come back to get the phones and such, rather than having the 2 of us gone. She just says fine, and waves her hand as to shoe me a away.

Never once did she ask how I was, or make sure that I was okay or comfortable, nothing. Everyone else in the office checked in on me, and the one person who gets paid more to take care of their employees, never inquired.

Oh, what a day.

2006-02-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

I miss three people right now...if your not listed, give it time.

Conns
Holls
Kait

Love You Baby's!

MY TRIP TO THE LIBRARY...

2006-02-18T15:12:00.000-08:00

It was a sausage fest, and I've never been one to turn down food....

Is it normal to get your ass grabbed 8 times at the Library? or asked "Hey-- you got a boyfriend near by or anything...?" or "Let me by you a drink sometime..."

This was the one and only productive experience I've ever had at the Library.

I may spend more time there.

2006-02-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

A weekend of work and laughs.

Lots of laughs.

It indeed a great weekend.

Weekend Rendezvous...

2006-02-06T09:48:00.000-08:00

Well, Moorhead it was.

And Moorhead it is.

Moorhead it shall forever be.

I'm not really sure what that means.

Anyways, what a weekend! sheesh.

Left work early. Picked up food at the grocery store for Turkey roll ups and taco dip--both were a hit. And Beer--lots of beer.

Arrived home, got ready, packed.

Cheri and I headed north.

Gas station stop--picked up 2 hamburgers and a soda for Cheri and I. **Note to self--even though I wear flip-flops year round, does not mean that it is warm out--especially up north. At least put on a jacket when you are wearing a tiny tank top and sandles.**

Arrive at Adam's around 9:15. just over 3 hours later. (Cheri slept the ENTIRE way) I'm not quite sure how she slept through my renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody, Genie in a Bottle, and Joker as I was singing at the top of my lungs...

Bar Time--a few beers later I am into my 3rd game of Darts, and getting increasigly better by the gulp. Either that, or they are getting worse by the gulp...

Home and to bed. It was sooo cold in Adam's basement that I slept in my clothes, my hooded sweatshirt, and my down hooded vest, and underneath my 'love-nest'.

Saturday a short mall adventure with Gary to buy some pants and a quick stop at the pet store--to window shop of course.

A few thoughts of a theme party ran through our heads as we browsed at Spencers...

Off to the house, were we promptly drank some beer.

The night that follows is, well it is what it is.

Start off with a few rounds of caps--my team lost every time.
Transistioned into the part of the evening where Morrow thought it was cool to be naked--for like 3 hours straight.
A little dancing, more drinking, laughing, the electric razer made an appearance, and man did I look good in those ski goggles and cowboy hat....

Sunday--back to the mall with Gary to actually buy the pants that he had looked at for the 3rd time now... To Todd's for the superbowl party --great food, dumb commercials, and a drive home that suprisingly only took 2 1/2 hours--who knew I could drive so fast in the Sable..

To bed at 11, fell asleep at 1. Woke at 7 and wanted to go back to sleep....

What to do, oh what to do...

2006-01-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

To Many things to do... such a busy girl:

Superbowl weekend in Moorhead..? maybe, it's a long drive and gas is expensive, but I love those boys!

Saturday at the excel center in one of the suites to watch the bull riding rodeo! save a bull, ride a bull rider..? that doesn't sound right. hmm.

Sunday at a 'bout'--which is what they call a tournament for a roller durby, to watch one of my friends who roller skates locally as well as on a national team--and no she is not on the show Roller Girls --apparently there are 2 different roller durby leagues and the league that Rachel belongs to got approached to do that show, but declinde because most of it is scripted. Interesting, very interesting.

I better check my schedule now and make sure that I don't work this weekend.....

Quote of the Day...

2006-01-27T10:12:00.000-08:00

"You know that sound it makes when you run your car into trees, that's exactly what it sounded like..."

2006-01-15T20:09:00.000-08:00

GIRLS NIGHT OUT....?

A SUCCESS!!

Here's to the night...

2006-01-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

Plans:
Friday> Work Day Job--Sovran
Work Night Job--Slumberland
Pick up drunk chics at the concert
Head to uptown for a night of drinking.

Saturday> Work at Slumberland--hung over
Girls Night Out
-Passion Party --martini's, cosmo's, appitizers, and rabbits...
Head straight for the bar after the party
Watch out boys..!!..!!

Sunday> Work at Slumberland--even more hungover than the day before
Sleep

Anyone who would like to join in my drunken festivities, please do!

There is plenty of room at my apartment!!

Will I ever know, the one who loves me so...?

2006-01-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

I can't wait a moment more
Tell me what are you waiting for
Is it me that you adore?

Waiting here patiently
you're lips on mine delicately
when will you come
or when will I know
that you adore me and love me so.

Holly and I New Years 06

2006-01-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

Holly and I New Years 06
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

New Years 06

2006-01-02T20:45:00.000-08:00

New Years 06
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Holly Kait Shady Amy NY 06

2006-01-02T20:44:00.002-08:00

Holly Kait Shady Amy NY 06
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

New Years 06

2006-01-02T20:44:00.001-08:00

New Years 06
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

New Years 06'

2006-01-02T20:44:00.000-08:00

New Years 06'
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Holly Me Jerry 06

2006-01-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Holly Me Jerry 06
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Yea!

2005-12-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

Yea!
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

This makes me giggle...

Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend...

2005-12-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

My new job is, well, it’s good. I like the position very much. As soon as they trust me with my responsibilities and quit looking over my shoulder, it will be even better.

Mistakes, ah mistakes, we all have them, but this week, I feel like I have made enough for the whole year. Although mostly simple ones, you’d think by the reaction of others that I accidentally sent a nuclear rocket into orbit or something. It is only my 8th day on the job, so they are bound to happen. Things like forgetting to initial a spot, or highlight the wrong number, these are all things that are just protocol, they aren’t something that actually effects the business, sheesh.

I am hoping that my mind gets out of the clouds, so I can focus more at work. It seems the harder I try to be busy, productive, efficient, and thorough, I get reprimanded that much more. Am I working harder than my supervisor? Or not enough? Who knows. All I do know is that working less or more makes no difference in the way I am treated, my quality of work whether low or high, makes no difference either. So, I think I will do my best, and work hard like always and know that hopefully, if I keep my mouth shut, and my head in the filing cabinet, all things will work themselves out.

Only Me...

2005-12-15T12:12:00.000-08:00

I used to have this job on a personal estate of the guy who founded AVEDA products. I worked on the Landscape crew and also helped the event planning staff for the upcoming wedding of his daughter that was going to be on his property. I worked side by side with one guy every day. He and I were paired up to work on various duties--we constantly had to drive to the cities to pick things up, run errands around town --just the 2 of us. This is him.

I'm a little freaked out.

Hey look at me!

2005-12-09T10:03:00.000-08:00

New Job!!!

I currently work at Sovran, an IT consulting and development company. My official title is Administrative Assistant, but I pretty much work with each department supporting them, and completeing any special projects they may have. I will be covering the Receptionists and CSR's breaks and performing all Admin duties as assigned. If I were to give myself a title it would be Office Monkey. Anyways, so far so good. Only bad thing--the 45 min. commute to and from! Ugh.

Hopefully all goes well, wish me luck!

Was it Really Necessary to Call Myself Fatty...?

2005-11-29T18:44:00.000-08:00

I've never really been a shy timid girl, and my confidence seems to scream outloud in instances when I wore my red lace underware ouside of my tight black pants to school my senor year of high school, or on a dress up day labled "Beach Day" the same year, I decided to wear my swimsuit, a sorong on the bottom half, flip flops, arm floaties, a huge orange and yellow life preserver, white sun screen on my nose, and huge oversized plastic "clown" sunglasses from the dollar store.

It never fails me on the dance floor as I do my typical "amy" dances. "Right foot forward, arms bent at a 90 degree angle next to the hips, pelvic thrust forward, and back, forward, and back, forward as left foot steps forward in one, and I must add, sexy, little move.

But in one horrifying experience with a bridesmaids dress and a three way mirror, my confidence is at an all-time low. Seriously, who designed these things? Number one, the dress. Satin sticks to everything- every crevasse, divit, and lump on your body, this material seems to desperatly seek out. And the mirror! It was obviously designed by some abdormally thin rail-like woman, because no one in their right mind would ever agree to stand in front of that thing clothed, or naked, and punish themselves with each glance into one mirror that duplicates the image over and over and over again! In my deepest, most alone moment I have ever had with myself, I called myself fatty, to my face, outloud.

I have 2 weddings, both of which I am the maid of honor, in the next 5 months. I have that exact amount of time, to turn this wretched body of mine into something of a miricle, a dream, a desire.

Wish me luck!

Baby Mine, dry your eyes...

2005-11-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with people...?

I can't belive the things that happen.

Seriously.

What makes people think that this is okay?

Tears swelled. Cheeks flushed. Throat closed. Unsettling, disturbing, and deranged.

My messy apartment makes me laugh...

2005-11-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh has it been a long time...

In more ways than one.

Work has consumed my life. ugh! I like working and keeping busy, but not when I feel like it's for absolutly nothing. My job. hmmm. well, since I'm currently at work typing this, when I should be working--that kind of explains how I feel about my job without having to say anything, right?

Potentially I could be looking for another job at the end of the year! Who wants to be unemployed directly after the holidays? My job is temporary. One year commitment is what they asked me for and is what I gave them, but they have the right to end it at any time with no warning--even if I'm doing an awesome job. My temporary assignment would just "end".

Moving to Cali sounds more and more inviting everytime I hear it roll off my lips. Money is something that I do not have and to move your life across the country, that is a necessity. Donations welcome.

Anyone who loves sun bleached hair, bronzed bodies, and sandy beaches--need apply. I figure it can be like Beverly Hillbilly style. We'll all just pile up what's left of our belongins, sadle up and head west!

Maybe i'll just move to egypt with Kait and Shady--I hope Shady realizes that by marrying my best friend, he will have become my BFF for life--there's just no way around it. He better factor this in as he builds is cute little home sweet home...
hehehe

Or better yet, maybe I'll convince Hollybean and Button to live with me in Brazil after ShadyB departs the country. Or maybe ShadyB would like to come too after his U.S. voyage.

All are welcome to AMYPALOOZA Worldwide!!

AMYPALOOZA!!!

2005-10-03T09:58:00.001-07:00

Let me just start by saying, OH MY GOD!!

BEST WEEKEND EVER!

We ventured to the cabin Friday morning. 5 girls in one SUV with food and bags, ready for a chilly couple of days at the cabin. Me, in a sexy bunny lingerie thingy from Fredricks of Hollywood, over my clothes (as if that makes it even better). Sent into Cub/TCF--alone. People stared, giggled and tried not to look. It was funny. Wore it the entire way up. Hot.

80 degrees of sunshine, no rain!

Friday night. Girls night. Kareoke, random small town bars. Laughter that made our stomach cramp. On the verge of pissing our pants. Jenny has some fabulous dance moves, if anyone is inclinded to ask her to show them to you.

Saturday: AMYPALOOZA!!!!

cracked the keg. Lawn games: bean bags. I rocked!

Jeremy, Anderson, Todd, "Gary", Luke. Yum.

I love those boys. mmmmmmmm.

Pontoon for hours with pitchers of beer, loud music. Booty shakin'.

Bob and his girlfried join the party. mmmm, yet another beautifully edible boy.

Running around, spying on the love nest. hehehe

Campfire, yet more beer and dancing.

Laughter with "Gary". He amuses me.

It was seriously the perfect night. It could't have gone better!

The car ride home.
Me driving the Dodge Durango. 4 Drunk girls in the vehicle, laughing at the stupidest things, which made me gigle. bothering the cars and semi's next to us with our singing skills, and crazy antics.

Keyword for the whole weekend: RANDOMNESS
There definatly will be photos to follow.

Can't wait to see everyone again!

I will difinatly host a gathering sometime soon at my apartment.

Love you All!!

(for those of you who didn't come, wow. you Definatly missed out!)

I dare you to move, I dare you to dream...

2005-09-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

I can't stop thinking about missing everyone. I miss my parents, and they only live an hour away. My dad makes me giggle at the stupidest things. He gets me. Daddy's girl. My mom is so cute. She gets so worked up and frustrates me, but then I look at her when she's not paying attention, and she has everything figured out. As long as she's around, I don't think that I'll have anythiing to worry about in any aspect of my life. Mom would take care of it before I even knew there was a problem. Grogeous. I miss my friends. Some are at school, some have moved, I have moved away from others. Lonely is the word that comes to mind. In this big city of Minneapolis, I surround myself with work, more work, a little bit of fun, and more work. I would like to share every happy moment I have with someone else. I think Kait understands this about me. I feel like having a significant other is just about having a "witness' for your life. If no one is there to witness it, did it really happen, did it really mean anything? Watching a great sunset alone, isn't as satifying as sharing it with someone, laughing outloud at the Golden Girls isn't as rewarding when you watch it alone.

I miss curling up in my bed with all three of us and watching stupid movies, cause between the 3 of us, we only owned stupid ones. Diet Coke, popcorn (even though one person ate most of it), spilling the Diet coke because we would put it on the floor and then end up kicking it every time. I miss her stealing money out of my purse when she came home drunk form the bar in a taxi and realized she didn't have the money for it. her compulsive ordering from Victoria's Secret, even though some of it was sketchy. Family dinner nights, I miss random 2 am ventures to walmart.

Most of all I miss having them around all the time. My gut would be sore day after day from laughter. Do you think that as we all get older, that we may lose our humor? Will I still think that Conan O'Brian is the funniest man on earth? Will I ever get sick of one being the clumsy nut, and the other the confused, "blonde"? Will we ever play different roles? I hope not.

It's hard to miss people and not even know if they miss you too. To wonder if they think of you when you are watchnig a Disney movie and belt out the songs, too. I wonder if they ask themseleves the same questions I ask myself. Why? What for? Is this a good choice? do you even know if this is real? Is this really what you want to be doing? What about your own dreams, your own family and your own friends?

I hope your having a better time with this than I am.

I miss everyone.

2005-09-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

"Only after one understands how freedom and rights are being suppressed by the managers of imperial states — even as they preach peace, freedom, justice, rights, and majority rule to their citizens to maintain their beliefs in the morality of their society, and thus assure the continued support of the masses for inflicting such violence upon the world — can one write honest history. If one does not understand that process, one is almost certain to write a history in which, unbeknownst to the author, the background and documentation have been carefully created to give Managers of State the freedom to suppress other people’s rights and transfer their wealth to the imperial center through unequal trades. "

— J.W. Smith, Economic Democracy; The Political Struggle for the 21st Century

Oh Minnesota!!

2005-09-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

State Fair.

Saturday Night.

I swear it was a monsoon.

Beer Garden.

Camel Bak full of vodka, attched to the wheel chair, again.

Foot longs, and cheese curds, not necissarily in that order.

Music, lights, tilt-a-whirl, and lots of laughs.

20 minute bus ride--I of course standing in the front conducting kareoke with the bus driver, me, and anyone who joined - over the loud speaker for all to hear.

The bus driver and I are going on tour.

Thanks For A Wonderful Night!!

Ahh, My Life As A Single Woman....

2005-08-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Night.
Dress up in new little black dress.
Plunging neckline, short flowy skirt--key features.
Accessorize with new drop chandalier gold earings, new gold braclet, and a long gold necklace.
Strapy black high heals, clasp above the ankle.
Hair down, straightend.
Make up-superb. Fake eyelashes, and gold sparkly eyeshadow.
Skin--the perfect sun-kissed bronze.

Hot.

Maxim and Budweiser party at the new club Myth.

VIP list. Free cover, free drinks all night.
Gogo dancers.
Glass box with girls in lingerie having a pillow fight.
Moulin Rougeish
Professional break-dancers.
Woman suspended from the ceiling on rubber straps, contorting themselves above the crowd ------total cirques de lei
Professional photo shoots--fan blowing hair back, Maxim/Budwieser backdrop--red carpet hollywood style.
Poparozzi.
Limos.
Tour buses.
Photo booth.

No cameras allowed.

www.maximexposure.com
To see photos from other maxim budlight parties in other states. Photos from Minneapolis party will be added very soon!

Oh, the life I lead...

Just the two of us.

2005-08-19T13:25:00.001-07:00

Just the two of us.
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Tobi, Me, and Steph

2005-08-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

Tobi, Me, and Steph
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Catch Phrases

2005-08-19T13:23:00.001-07:00

Catch Phrases
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Hangin' Out at the Cabin

2005-08-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hangin' Out at the Cabin
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

The Couple

2005-08-19T13:22:00.001-07:00

The Couple
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

A Little Tongue..

2005-08-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

A Little Tongue..
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Super...Adam!?!

2005-08-19T13:21:00.001-07:00

Super...Adam!?!
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

The Ladies

2005-08-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

The Ladies
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

2005-08-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

After being asked, "What is the most precious part of yourself?" Who stated, "BREATH. WE TEND NOT TO THINK MUCH ABOUT IT. EACH ONE IS A BLESSING--EVERY INHALE, EVERY EXHALE."

Hint: He might steal your cocaine, but he'll give you candy

Maybe We're Living With Eyes Half Open...

2005-08-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

Saying Good Bye is never something that comes easy (enter the situation between Kait, Holly and I as I left for Hawaii), and it seems as I get older, it gets harder. Just like Connie states in her Blog entry it's a lot easier to leave than it is to be left behind.
I have so many great memories with Holly, and it's tough to think, that there won't be any new ones for a long time. Holly and I have had a weird relationship right from the start. Steming from our freshman year as dorm roomates to us now, as young adults searching for our place in life. I, was the crazy drunken roomate who never went to class, her being the uptight, always at class, girlfriend of the guy on the floor below us. Who knew that it would branch off into a friendship that I now consider a sisterhood? We come from completely different backgrounds, but have somehow stayed on the same path with each other.
Although I am affraid of things unknown, I believe that she will be great no matter where she goes. My only wish for her, is that she realizes her potential as a woman with insight, intellegence, and leadership. I can only hope that she knows that no person can change her or her past. Your dreams and goals are what makes you who you are, without them you have no direction in your life. Your past is glorious, as it has those who love you, in it! You are young and able, do not tie yourself down; Ride Life Like It Is A Cowboy! Giddy Up!

Two Hot Bitches--HEEYY!!

2005-07-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Two Hot Bitches--HEEYY!!
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Foreign Exchange

2005-07-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Foreign Exchange
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Lovely

2005-07-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Lovely
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

One Dolla Make You Holla

2005-07-27T14:34:00.002-07:00

One Dolla Make You Holla
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Perfect Form

2005-07-27T14:34:00.001-07:00

Perfect Form
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.

Shh, It's a Secret

2005-07-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

Shh, It's a Secret
Originally uploaded by amy_lubbes.