Was it Really Necessary to Call Myself Fatty...?

I've never really been a shy timid girl, and my confidence seems to scream outloud in instances when I wore my red lace underware ouside of my tight black pants to school my senor year of high school, or on a dress up day labled "Beach Day" the same year, I decided to wear my swimsuit, a sorong on the bottom half, flip flops, arm floaties, a huge orange and yellow life preserver, white sun screen on my nose, and huge oversized plastic "clown" sunglasses from the dollar store.

It never fails me on the dance floor as I do my typical "amy" dances. "Right foot forward, arms bent at a 90 degree angle next to the hips, pelvic thrust forward, and back, forward, and back, forward as left foot steps forward in one, and I must add, sexy, little move.

But in one horrifying experience with a bridesmaids dress and a three way mirror, my confidence is at an all-time low. Seriously, who designed these things? Number one, the dress. Satin sticks to everything- every crevasse, divit, and lump on your body, this material seems to desperatly seek out. And the mirror! It was obviously designed by some abdormally thin rail-like woman, because no one in their right mind would ever agree to stand in front of that thing clothed, or naked, and punish themselves with each glance into one mirror that duplicates the image over and over and over again! In my deepest, most alone moment I have ever had with myself, I called myself fatty, to my face, outloud.

I have 2 weddings, both of which I am the maid of honor, in the next 5 months. I have that exact amount of time, to turn this wretched body of mine into something of a miricle, a dream, a desire.

Wish me luck!

Baby Mine, dry your eyes...

What is wrong with people...?

I can't belive the things that happen.

Seriously.

What makes people think that this is okay?

Tears swelled. Cheeks flushed. Throat closed. Unsettling, disturbing, and deranged.

My messy apartment makes me laugh...

Oh my gosh has it been a long time...

In more ways than one.

Work has consumed my life. ugh! I like working and keeping busy, but not when I feel like it's for absolutly nothing. My job. hmmm. well, since I'm currently at work typing this, when I should be working--that kind of explains how I feel about my job without having to say anything, right?

Potentially I could be looking for another job at the end of the year! Who wants to be unemployed directly after the holidays? My job is temporary. One year commitment is what they asked me for and is what I gave them, but they have the right to end it at any time with no warning--even if I'm doing an awesome job. My temporary assignment would just "end".

Moving to Cali sounds more and more inviting everytime I hear it roll off my lips. Money is something that I do not have and to move your life across the country, that is a necessity. Donations welcome.

Anyone who loves sun bleached hair, bronzed bodies, and sandy beaches--need apply. I figure it can be like Beverly Hillbilly style. We'll all just pile up what's left of our belongins, sadle up and head west!

Maybe i'll just move to egypt with Kait and Shady--I hope Shady realizes that by marrying my best friend, he will have become my BFF for life--there's just no way around it. He better factor this in as he builds is cute little home sweet home...
hehehe

Or better yet, maybe I'll convince Hollybean and Button to live with me in Brazil after ShadyB departs the country. Or maybe ShadyB would like to come too after his U.S. voyage.




All are welcome to AMYPALOOZA Worldwide!!