My mind filled with wonder, my heart with fright...

Why is it that I resort back to that place?
The one I thought I was past, moved on from?
It's quite a reality that I will always have a part of me that wonders, "what if?"
However, I know that I'm okay with the outcome. I just don't understand, why sometimes my mind wanders, it strays. It goes from what it knows, into the depths of it's very own and pulls from everything I thought it had stored away for good. It hurts a bit. Not sure if the past hurts, or if the fact that my mind does this to me that hurts? I think the latter. However, there are times when I need to take a deep breath in and realize that today is my reality, this is, this very moment. This is what counts, this is what matters, and this is what is.

A voyagers' thoughts

I sit quietly
Quiet with my own thoughts
rolling like waves through my mind
toppling over any other entity in the water
taking over
taking over anything that I once knew
things I thought I wanted, needed
bringing me to new depths
uncharted territory
something new to map
to seek out
to venture into
creating a ripple effect
and crashing down
full of energy and never stopping
reaching as high as the night sky
and swallowing me whole

If you need time away
I won't ask you to stay
I don't want to lose you...

Love is crazy
pretty baby
take it real slow
my feelings show

The waiting is the hardest part, you take it to faith, you take it to heart...

I feel like all I've done the past year is wait.

Wait for my job to lead towards my career

Wait for my family to understand me

Wait for you to find me

Wait for my friends to step up

Wait for my heart to mend

Wait for my mind to quit being my worst enemy

Wait for my heart to slow down

Wait for butterflies in my stomach

Wait to catch my breath

Wait for you

Wait.

Most of these things I cannot control. Most things just are. It's hard to wrap your head around things you have no effect over, even though they effect you.

I'm trying hard to change the things I can, and moving on from those I can't.

There are still many things that boggle my mind. Like someone I care about can be so distant and dishonest. Not only with me, but with themselves and others. I'm starting to go to that place that I hate, the place of no trust and no respect. I don't want to feel this way, and I'm working hard on moving past these things, but it's proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. I'm not sure if you call this being the bigger person, or if I'm taking the higher road, but whatever it is, it's hard. Hard to let the little things go, hard to know there are lies and not bring them up, hard to look them in the face and try your hardest to be a good friend.

I guess this is the stuff that they say makes us stronger, makes us wiser. I guess in the end, I'll know if that's true. If someday I can look back on this and know the true value of it all.

Until then, deep breaths are my only consistency. A peaceful night my hideaway.

I cannot wait for these things, and I cannot wait for you to truly come around. You do you, and I'll do me, and in the end, we'll see.

I came here to type out my thoughts... and I got nothing.

I can't do it.
I see it there, right in front of me but for some reason I am unable
I see those 5 letters starring me in the face.
I can't hit send.
I can't hit clear.
Why?
Why can't I just call you? Why can I not just tell you how much it hurts?




There are moments where I close my eyes and picture you. You and me.
I feel you move my hair out of my face.
I feel your hand slowly slide down my cheek.
My heart beats faster
Your breathing gets deeper
I feel the warmth of your breath get closer
The softness of your kiss absorbs me and I am lost.

I'm Yours

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours

so please don't, please don't, please don't,
there's no need to complicate,
Cause our time is short
This, this, this is our fate,
I'm yours